As a mediation and negotiation specialist I have seen countless times where patience helps parties in conflict to be more thoughtful, empathetic, and strategic in how they collaborate and work toward a mutually beneficial agreement. Patience and perspective can go a long way toward reaching the goal of a mutually beneficial agreement.
What are the steps to help you develop a mutually beneficial agreement?
The IROD Model
There has been significant research on the IROD model. Dr. David Webb with Homerun Leadership points out with his IROD model that it takes Information, Reactions, and Options to make an optimal Decision.
- Information: Do we have all the information or at least enough information to move forward and to begin to evaluate the issue? Now is the time to pause and especially to be patient. Patience allows us to analyze the available information before we begin and to decide if we need more information before we proceed further. Do we need more data, more information from others, or something else?
- Reactions: How do we, the other party, and others react to the information we have is important. We need to fully understand the other party. We need to develop an authentic, connecting relationship. We need to be patient and listen actively. We need to ask questions to help us understand where the other party is coming from and why.
- Options: At this stage we explore options, and patiently consider the pros and cons of various alternatives. Now we patiently consider the economic, social, and environmental factors. How positive or negative is each of the factors? We evaluate these options against one another. We discourage and avoid ultimatums. We help to de-escalate the situation. We work on building trust. We are patient with the other party even when our emotions are pushing us in the opposite direction.
- Decision: We consider a specific option or a hybrid of the options explored. Before implementing the decision, we consider testing it first. Why do we test? We do so because unforeseen impacts can be addressed before full implementation may have a broader impact than expected. Here, again, patience is required. We need to be prepared to revisit our decision if necessary and remain flexible and adaptable so that we can address unforeseen circumstances.
The Collaboration Effect
My book The Collaboration Effect is all about connecting authentic relationships, listening actively, and educating judiciously to build bridges and negotiate closure.
Connecting Relationships
If we are working with someone new, we do all we can to learn about the other person. We research them online. We check out Google, LinkedIn, Facebook, and other resources. We look at the surface initially about what they put out, for example, on a LinkedIn site or in their resume, but then dig deeper. What can we learn about this person and their personality? We check with our network. Whom do we know who can give us additional insight? When we meet this person, we leave time to ask questions based on what we have learned so as to establish trust. We ask them questions of a professional and personal nature such as their background, what they do for fun, their family, pets, travel, and other areas of interest. We then listen actively.
Listening Actively
When we listen actively, if possible, we take at least 10 minutes to allow the other party to become comfortable with us as well. If someone has been listened to for at least 10 minutes they are far more apt to listen to us. Dan Shapiro from Harvard Negotiation Project suggests the ten minute introduction in his video on How to Argue. Neuroscientists confirm this too. When the other person is talking, we think about what else we may be able to ask. We paraphrase what they have said in our own words, summarize what we have heard as major points. We ask open-ended questions to allow the other person to elaborate more. We connect with and empathize with the story of where they are coming from. It is hard work, but at this stage we suspend judgment and we do not offer advice. When we think we have listened enough, we may begin to educate the other party on the way they may want to be educated.
Educating Judiciously
About 70% of people are visual learners. Can we paint a picture of what it is we want to convey? Hopefully, we come to that encounter equipped with a plan, and we know we want, and we ask for it. But first, ahead of time, we prepare in advance three reasons why what we are asking for may be beneficial to them. If we come to the negotiation with their interest in mind, we can adapt what we want to present to them based on what we have learned when we were carefully listening to them. We demonstrate that what we are suggesting is in their best interest too. When they see that what we are offering is a better solution considering various perspectives, we are more likely to reach a more optimal solution. For example, our optimal solution may consider short-term and long-term implications, ethical considerations, how other stakeholders may view the result, as well as the economic, social, and environmental implications.
Patience overall
Two models have been presented. Logically these two models make sense. However, the model is only as good as the participant. Emotions strongly influence (and may in fact derail) what may otherwise seem to be a logical process and a logical conclusion.
We need to come with an attitude to make the process work, we need to believe it will work,
and we need to take actions to make it work.
Patience plays a pivotal role from the beginning to the end. We may need to help our team with this too. We can be with the team to help everyone focus on the big picture. What is it that we are all wanting to accomplish? We need to keep in mind that negotiation is a process. Negotiation takes time. When all parties’ interests are mutually balanced there is a greater likelihood that the negotiated result will be maintained. If one party is unfairly treated, an agreement may be agreed to but implementation may not proceed as envisioned by the parties. Long-lasting relationships may not have been considered initially as a goal, but if long-lasting relationships are thought of as an essential part of the process our attitude toward patience and understanding will be enhanced. If all parties are continually looking to the future to address mutual needs, the chances of success are significantly enhanced. Many think that once a contract or agreement has been signed that is the end. Signing the contract is often just the beginning. The actual implementation of the contract is part of the negotiation process too.
For further insights into patience and negotiation, check out these links to my publications regarding collaboration,conflict resolution, or enhancing your servant manager skills.