As a conflict resolution and mediation specialist who helps clients enhance collaboration for better results, the question is, how can we come together to solve challenging problems? What does it take? Look at Washington, D.C.? Politics inside the beltway projects a dysfunctional system. We cannot control others, but we can control what we do. The following commentary provides insights into how you can collaborate with others to address complex problems when considering perspectives that differ significantly.
Your mindset matters
When you think of conflict, do you consider that it can be constructive? Can you shift your mindset to see conflict as an opportunity? A first reaction may be adverse, defensive, and retaliatory. However, catch yourself with how you are feeling. Be aware of the tension, heated reaction, and your response to become angry. Recognize this. Ask yourself why you think the way you do. Then focus on trying to accomplish the task. Are anger, bitterness, and retaliation the appropriate response? If not, pause, breathe, and be aware of your body and how it reacts.
Joel Salinas, M.D., shares that “There’s one specific type of breathwork that stood out in terms of its ability to reduce stress, anxiety, and heart rate variability and respiratory rate—it’s called cyclic sighing. You take a deep breath through the nose, and once you get to the top of the breath, you do just a little bit of extra breath in through the nose, then a slow exhale. That little “top-off” at the end expands the alveoli just slightly more, giving you a little vagal stimulation. Having that specific type of breathwork during potential conflicts can help bring other brain systems online that are much more deliberative and can support you to discern next steps, be curious, and be more tactical in asserting your own interests.”[i] Try it for yourself the next time you are in a stressful situation.
Assume positive motives even when that does not appear to be the case. The other party has a perspective based on something. Try to determine why they hold these views. Try to improve your relationship with the other party. Look for ways to uncover shared interests and values.
Information, listening, and nurturing trust
What other information might help you or the other party? What questions might you need to ask? Who is the decision maker, and what roles may others be playing that are present or absent that impact the parties?
Please pay attention to your body language and that of others, and consider how you and they are feeling. Create, provide, or find a way to create a space that promotes active listening. Reduce distractions so that you can give your full attention to the speaker. Maintain eye contact, put down your phone, refrain from interrupting, and listen actively.
Build trust by exploring common interests and values. Seek to understand why they think the way they do. We all only know what we know and don’t know what we don’t know. In our polarized society with biased news sources that reinforce false stereotypes, we are being taught how to demonize differences. One of the keys is to recognize this in ourselves and others and seek ways to promote understanding. Open-ended questions like:
What have you been thinking about lately?
What is your story?
What were the significant events that have shaped your views?
What do you see as your most important values?
These open-ended questions may facilitate the initial stages of building trust.
Creativity, conversation, and shared interests
Take your time and let the other party express their concerns. Encourage creativity and ask questions to allow for different perspectives and ideas. After listening actively, promote open, inclusive, and encouraging dialogue. Frame conversation in neutral rather than in positive or negative terms. Your end game is to work towards a solution, but at this stage, the focus is on understanding. Work on constructive commentary that can help facilitate the exchange of information, allowing each other to understand. Try to reflect what you think you heard with neutral observations. Explore common interests to begin identifying alternatives.
Options, impacts, evaluating impacts, and considering solutions
As you explore options, keep an open mind and accept multiple perspectives. Continue to focus on what you have defined as the problem. Discuss all possibilities and discard only those that do not have a realistic chance of working. Keep the rest. As you work through the process, you may realize that you can generate more options or bring something that was initially thought unattainable. With these possibilities, explore the economic, social, and environmental impacts. Does this option make sense from a dollar-and-cents perspective? Could everyone accept this option? Are there negative or positive environmental impacts? Knowing the answers to these questions helps evaluate the positive or negative effects of each option on the economy, society, and ecology. This may allow for keeping or discarding options. With the ones that remain, what do various stakeholders think of these alternatives?
What are additional obstacles that need to be considered? Who would never go for an option that this group thinks would otherwise work? How can issues like this be addressed? Perhaps it is necessary to explore an earlier step? When so doing, how might a different approach impact decision-making? Is education needed? How might education be presented? Should it be given by a particular person or group? Who will take responsibility for following up on the next steps, and by when? What if it does not work? What will be our next step?
These are the types of actions and questions that may help you tackle challenging problems. This commentary scratches the surface, but hopefully gives you some ideas on how you may want to approach your complex situation.
If you would like to learn more about my publications on collaboration, conflict resolution, or enhancing your servant leadership skills, which focus on leading by serving and understanding the needs of your team members, please feel free to reach out. You can find my books on conflict resolution and servant leadership for sale at the following link: https://www.birchgrovepublishing.com/
For more information on collaboration, check out The Collaboration Effect.