In Negotiations Try Appreciation

In Negotiations Try Appreciation

From the Harvard Law School Program on Negotiation blog this article entitled “For Better Communication, Try Appreciation” by Katie Shonk, takes commentary from the book “Getting to Yes” by Fisher, Ury and Patton and offers insights for us.  She emphasizes that by listening effectively, treating others fairly and with respect, and working together to collaborate it is far more likely to have a positive outcome.  As we understand each other and interests it is possible to work towards collaboration.

From my most recent book off to the printer this week, “Peaceful Resolutions, A 60-step illustrated guide to conflict resolution”,  I offer insights on the art of  de-escalation, communication, conversation, discussion, listening, negotiation, mediation and compromise.   One of the keys to the process of conflict resolution is first centering oneself and then helping others to de-escalate the situation.  With a recent client the key to success was helping the client to not demonize the other side and work to help my client to treat the other party with respect.  In a recent webinar to over 150 call in lines two weeks ago with the Virginia Society of CPAs on de-escalation, I received comments such as: “We as CPAs spend a lot of time training on technical topics, but we really need more training on these types of topics – ‘How to De-escalate and Resolve Conflict with Clients, Associates, the IRS and others”. If you would like me to speak to your organization on this or similar topics give me a call at 651-633-5311.

I offered two handouts to this group that I think you may find helpful too.  One is on de-escalation and the other is on negotiation. I thought you may find these of assistance too.

In Katie Shonk’s commentary she suggests:

1.       “Treat the problem, not the people

2.       Learn to manage emotions

3.       Try a positive spin, and

4.       Escape the cycle of action and reaction”

before including commentary on “The Value of Appreciation”.    I could not agree more.  Everyone wants to be listened to and to be heard.   This is an underlying value.  Having worked with neuroscientists I have learned from them and incorporate lessons learned from them in my work as a speaker, writer and consultant.  Learn from this commentary and incorporate appreciation into your interactions.  It can only help and it does help.

Mike is a manager with over 25 years’ experience at all levels of management.  He also worked at the IRS for 28 years.  Mike provides services related to conflict resolution (business to business, business to government within businesses), and value added services (business valuation reviews, research credit advice, transfer pricing assistance, strategic planning and leadership development) to help clients and boards of directors on a wide variety of issues.  When not serving clients as a consultant or blogging, Mike is an avid writer, speaker and educator.  When not working Mike enjoys family, church, volunteering, and daily yoga, meditation and exercise.

About the author

Mike Gregory is a professional speaker, an author, and a mediator. You may contact Mike directly at and at (651) 633-5311. Mike has written 12 books (and co-authored two others) including his latest book, The Collaboration Effect: Overcoming Your Conflicts, and The Servant Manager, Business Valuations and the IRS, and Peaceful Resolutions that you may find helpful. [Michael Gregory, ASA, CVA, MBA, Qualified Mediator with the Minnesota Supreme Court]